16
Aug

Why You Should Allow Yourself to Accept Losses In Life | SuperSoul Sunday | Oprah Winfrey Network


[MUSIC PLAYING] One of the things I want to
emphasize that this book is also about, it’s
about keeping secrets and what keeping
secrets do to us. You say, “When we force our
truths and stories into hiding, secrets can become their own
trauma, their own prison. Far from diminishing pain,
whatever we deny ourselves, the opportunity to accept
becomes as inescapable as brick walls and steel bars. When we don’t allow
ourselves to grieve our losses, wounds,
and disappointments, we are doomed to
keep reliving them.” Thank you so much
for saying this because all therapy is grief. You know, my granddaughter
is here right now. And when she was born, the
pediatrician said that she may become a ballerina. And I said, oh, now I can die
because my blood is in her. But when she went
to Bishop School and asked me to buy her a dress
so she can go to her dance and I came home, and out
of the blue, I was crying. And I didn’t get it. How come I am crying? I just bought Lindsay a dress. And it made me realize
that I didn’t cry because Lindsay went to a
dance, I cried because I never went to a dance. I had this experience
that became clarified when I read your story. So let me tell you, one of
my dear friends who was– I’m the godmother of a
young girl who is my best friend’s daughter– and when she
was a little girl, her mother– she was at my house, and she
was like three years old. And she said to her mother, mom,
can I have some strawberries? And her mother said,
ask Auntie O if you can have the strawberries. I said, sure, you can
have the strawberries. And I watched her mother cut the
strawberries for her in little tiny little– and
made a little flower and handed them to her to eat. And the delight and joy that
she experienced watching and watching her mother
do that, I thought, oh, that’s what a mother does. That’s what a mother does. And I started to
cry watching them. And I– until I– because I
thought, well, that’s what love is, that’s what a mother does. And it wasn’t until I read your
book that I realized I wasn’t crying about the strawberries,
I was crying for the loss that I had that no one
had ever done that for me. Thank you so much
for saying that. Yeah. Yes, because it’s
not what happened, but what didn’t happen. It’s that’s what’s so
powerful about this book. Yes. That’s what’s so
powerful about this book. It’s not just what happened,
it’s also what didn’t happen. What did not happen. Yeah. Well, that’s what I got. And all this time
I was thinking, oh, I’m crying about
the strawberries. I’m crying because,
oh, that was so loving, and I get to see what love is. I’m really crying for the loss. Because I ask
especially women, when did your childhood end? Hmm. And I think that
is very important. Because you have been abused
or touched inappropriately. Yes. You had the shame. Yes. The shame, the shame
that you carry with you. And then you grow up and
you end up shaming yourself. Yes. And what creates the shame– for everyone who’s
listening to us– what creates the
shame is the secret. Yes. Is holding the secret. Is holding the secret. Yes. It takes so much
energy to resist. Yes. And have your secret. Yes. And then the secret has you. And the secret has you. So when you learned that
the secrets actually force us to relive the pain– But not to get stuck in there. Not to get stuck.

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100 Comments

  • Tanya Perrier says:

    This is good! Needed this!

  • Karen M says:

    "And the secrets have you".

  • Liberty Madison says:

    I needed this

  • ann landers says:

    If Oprah is so damn smart then how come she believed those two liars in the "documentary" Leaving Neverland and proceeded to contribute greatly to the slander of Michael Jackson????????

  • Mai Mohamed says:

    "when we force our truths n stories into hiding, secrets can become their own trauma n prisons. When we dnt allow ourselves to grieve our losses n wounds we r doomed"

  • Patrick Bolling says:

    What book is she reading from?

  • The Rose Awakening says:

    💖

  • Angela Siele says:

    When did your childhood end…crying crying crying

  • Sophie Hansen says:

    I need to read that book. Just those few words she spoke right here, hit me right between my soul, heart and mind. Thank you for existing.

  • RozSpeaks says:

    God, that was deep and soul-satisfying❤❤❤

  • Shoegal7 says:

    Once again, Oprah interrupts the guest and doesn't allow them to speak.

  • chronicle realm says:

    Therapy coping with a Grief. I Concur💗. #wisdomofElders💗

  • DAVID FRANKLIN says:

    Unhappiness happiness when you don’t or can’t accept your reality.

  • Dizzy Reid says:

    Wow

  • Felisha Pittman says:

    Oh…this is eye opening! Thank you.

  • afeni shakur says:

    I'm so thankful that I had a mother who loved me. Maybe that's why I'm so nurturing (and smothering) to my children bcuz I don't wanna die without them knowing how much I loved them . Even as a 38 yr old woman, my mother's love means so much to me.

    I'm crying…..

  • LandryattheBayou says:

    Ooooooh that was a huge AHA for me too. Thanks to both Ms. Eger and Ms. Winfrey. Now I understand some of my tears.

  • Unstapled Lisa says:

    I just want to add in case it helps someone, this was very powerful words for healing. As a non monetized blogger and I'm not throwing shade at Oprah, the bane of my existence up until 5 years ago and I'm not throwing shade at anyone, has been my weight and my looks.

    My weight and my looks has always been an issue for others. I've done everything but swallow a tapeworm to lose weight.

    The pervasive bullying I experienced due to weight and looks led me to a path that I couldn't see coming, that I'd be a parent and I'd be a parent with severe mental illness while in medical crisis and it led me to neglect my children due disabilities I wasn't able to claim, almost 13 years ago, resulting in a suicide attempt almost 11 years ago, where a few days prior, I gave up custody of my children to family, before attempting to intentionally overdose to death.

    I've put that out there in public, so that families don't suffer like mine did. That I had to acknowledge what led to me to that point because I never thought I'd become a parent, there would be a point in my life where I wouldn't raise my children to adulthood and that I would fail them as I did 11 years ago.

    My kids know they can talk to me about that and anything else and that I have to sadly for their sake, acknowledge that while we all know that it wasn't unintentional my ego (which there's not much of) still was so brutally hurtful to them.

    I needed the aha, of that while I've acknowledged to them and the world of what I did wrong and what I didn't do at all, in hopes for preventing any kind of cycle that hurts kids and people, is acknowledging what wasn't done.

    I knew there was a time I couldn't protect me, let alone them. I had a much more of a childhood with stability and reliability.

    But what I didn't have and unfortunately sometimes in my case, history didn't repeat itself, but it so sadly rhymed for my kids, is someone acknowledging the pervasive bullying in creation of mental illness and trying to stop the bullying wasn't more of an issue in my generation and my parents.

    I'm not saying it's bad to want to look someone's best.

    But it's not okay for those of us who aren't blessed with beauty and either have tried everything to lose weight and it or we failed.

    But somehow that still seems to be a social crime, in the digital era, as far as the pressure to look and be perfect.

    Whether you are or not.

    This is video one of the most meaningful things I've ever seen on any form media, in my entire life. Thank you…

  • Kim Brooks says:

    i had so much happen in my childhood and at times have cried about it. But what do you do with it? Who wants to hear it?

  • my naphsha says:

    Wow

  • More Love says:

    Praying for Oprah, she still has so much pain. Our childhood wounds are embedded. One day we will all heal eternally. That’s why it is so important that we observe our little ones, really take interest and love them. They will carry that love into endless futures.

  • Sm Mn says:

    I want this book, is it available pdf

  • Sm Mn says:

    Omg I love this woman

  • Claire Osborne says:

    Wow this was so beautiful and so true, I have many losses then 😭 I guess it’s time I started to grieve them 🙏🏻 x x

  • suzanne schulz says:

    Wow touching moment for me I'm working on the child within in me. Re- Dad issues.

  • Not At This Time says:

    This is why I admire Oprah. She turned her destiny into positive learning experiences for the world. Oprah used to have a talk show, but it was common. It wasn't physically and verbally wild like Jerry Springer and Maury Povich, but the contents talked much about foolish behavior. Baby Daddy. Husband got sister pregnant. I'm in love with my married pastor. That kind of stuff. Oprah knew she was better than the drama and she changed her venue. She stopped asking guests questions and she focused on inspirational matters, heroes across the world who made differences in the lives of others, and she had guests who survived traumatic experiences.

    I love how she's well-versed, humble, not ritzy and glitzy, articulate and her focus on matters in life that are important.

  • u tube says:

    Which book they were discussing about? What is the title of the book?

  • LONDON JOI says:

    U can't heal what u don't reveal.

  • Maxine Shaw says:

    Good job Auntie Oprah!

  • Mansi Mohan says:

    why does oprah have to make everything about her

  • R2CA says:

    Tears flowed down my cheeks

  • Lucy Sullivan says:

    Wow

  • alix ali says:

    i love u Oprah, i love your best friend Ellen DeGeneres

  • Marcus LeeP says:

    Very nice….Thank you….

  • Tina says:

    Oh my gosh, this is so powerful.

  • Coryraisa says:

    So beautiful…I could just feel Oprah's huge heart break at 2:25–2:27.

  • Nallah B says:

    ugh that hug @2:52 HOW FIRKIN BEAUTIFUL

  • Fran Smith says:

    CAUSE WE DON'T HAVE A CHOICE!

  • Josh Mendes says:

    Lmfao I thought that was judge Judy!!

  • Dorothy Green says:

    This has happened to me
    It's not what happened. It's what didn't happen. Man do. I know the pain of that.

  • The Josh O Show says:

    Wishing whoever is reading this an amazing day and week. Be well, be blessed, and stay in touch ❤️

    -Josh Otusanya

  • Loveli 13 says:

    Yes, it's sooo true. The reason for crying in the current moment is never the true reason; it's the deeper emotions, thoughts, and feelings that we've suppressed that manifested into the surface which brought us to tears. I gotta read this book!🙏

  • TheNewYorkMimes says:

    I thought it was Judge Judy in the thumbnail.

  • TheNewYorkMimes says:

    Oprah looks masculine here. I'm not going to explore that any further. Just putting that on the table. Many gays and lesbians have a hole in their heart for the fathers or mothers they didn't really have

  • Maloudenn Gapuz says:

    An explained version of “what if’s”

  • Tracey ivy says:

    ..okra is the Devil… …hate that pig!…she envy everybody even a kid getting Strawberry..she make everything about herself…

  • Anthony McRae says:

    I dont think Ms. Oprah interupted her guess She was doing her job of reassuring the writer that her book helped her personally and she was doing her job INTERVIEWING that is what you do on your OWN SHOW and her saying what she said not only helped me realize something in my own personal life it also helped the interviewer know she wrote a book that has helped the WORLD and will continue to help long after she is gone its called LEGACY!!!!! GOOD JOB OPRAH THANKS FOR HELPING ME AND EVERONE ELSE THAT ENJOYS YOUR WORK IN THE EARTH!!!! #LOVEYOUCANTWAITTOOSOMEDAYMEETYOU

  • Yasmin Ram. says:

    I wanna be a mother 🙁

  • Yasmin Ram. says:

    I wanna be a mother 🙁

  • Rose Marchant says:

    This woman has loads of wisdom to share, if Oprah would just let her speak😏

  • mig189189189 says:

    Great Report!

  • Etta James says:

    i clicked because i thought it was judge judy

  • Cookie Woo says:

    Wow…very supportive info..

  • Pusetso Morapedi says:

    I cry always when i see fathers dancing with their daughters… i v never had that and never will, for my father passed away. I grief what never happened… wow.

  • Astrid Kelly says:

    Another ‘Aha’ moment for me, right there! 🙏🏼

  • Born in Providence says:

    Dr. Eddie ❤️ what a gift she is.

  • Happy Cali Mama says:

    I’m listening to the audio book now. I’ve had so many of those moments from a very young age, I was never jealous of beautiful or wealthy people, I was always jealous of people who had really kind, loving parents. All I can do is be the parent I never had to my son. Oprah has been like a surrogate mom to millions of people, and it’s amazing that shes done that while never having a strong mother figure to guide her. So much respect!

  • Nick Barcheck says:

    Is that Judge Judy?

  • ema madani says:

    Have a good day everyone…
    <3

  • T L says:

    That sounds similar to a book by Peter Levine called “In An Unspoken Word”, it’s a Book on trauma and I remember him saying you need to allow yourself to feel or your PTSD will be much stronger and last longer

  • Luiz Augusto Soares says:

    Oprah, always marvellous……! Thanks.

  • Golden Hair says:

    O I love you but please name the guest on the title

  • bee honey says:

    id follow Martha Stewart before opera bye gurl

  • Luciana Sanguiné says:

    Both women I deeply admire 🙏🏻

  • Sergio The One says:

    This was so powerful! We carry with us so many things, and it makes a lot of sense that it's because we never took the time to grieve a situation.
    Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could just get rid of that weight?

  • T V says:

    It does take a lot of energy from you I'm in my 40s my childhood seemed to end I want to say 11 maybe younger I will still take things w/ me to the day I die doesn't matter what I've learned doesn't matter if I cry no one sees me cry only God

  • Silver Screen Productions says:

    I love her innocence. Dr. Edith, if you see my message, just know that no matter what darkness the world tried to show you, your pure energy still shines through. You still have that child-like enthusiasm for life, and that is inspiring to all of us. Thank you 🙏

  • Kathy Goedert says:

    Let’s all talk about Oprah some more.

  • Dalia Nosseir says:

    U know what I really need to thank Oprah cuz she keep giving me good and helpful books

  • QuintB says:

    Wow wow wow

  • gwendolinechione says:

    Please also remember, dear ones, while Oprah is right about the secret perpetuating shame for abuse survivors, that is not the whole story. 
    The abuser was shameless, and the child takes on the abuser's shame as their own. Often, people carry this for a lifetime until/unless they seek support and healing. This is why survivors often kill themselves, because that shame is unbearable. This is part of my dharma, I am a specialist psychotherapist. So to recap: Survivors carry the disavowed shame of the abuser. If you were abused, know that it is not yours! After the 'unimaginable' happens, we survive the best way we know how, and 'keeping the secret' can be part of that. Love and light to all reading this.

  • Adriano says:

    Chills – I've lost my mother when I was 9 years old, Im 32 now and still cry over that loss, but no longer because of her passing per say, but because of everything that was taken away from me which I would still experience with her and because of her. That's a pain that will never go away, everything that could have been..

  • Mika' Bolt says:

    This just made me cry❤️

  • Teianna Marie says:

    💙💗💘💓💕💞💝💚❤️

  • Teianna Marie says:

    I’m ashamed that I have myself away to undeserving men. I was never raped, but looking back on my past experiences I can understand a small portion of the pain from sexually abused victims. I didn’t know any better and simply wanted someone to be affectionate towards me. I didn’t realize how damaged I was until I got with the man I’m with now. I pray for all the abused victims of all genders, races, and ages. Please know that you are complete. It’s hard but you’re alright ❤️💙💗💘💞💕💝💚

  • Riima k457 says:

    beautiful.i teared up watching this. I find these clips incredibly helpful and inspirational. thank you.

  • West Coast Or Bust says:

    Trying to train my brain to believe in something good yet something bad happened as a result of it. Damn

  • Jennifer Greene says:

    Wow, this resonated for me. I have had so many losses in my life and grieved some of them but not all.

  • Muna salti says:

    This make me cry and cry my childhood ended very sooon

  • Donna Banks says:

    Can someone tell me what is the name of that book please.

  • Lupe Zuniga says:

    Beautiful

  • Belle R says:

    Making it into a secret and hiding it is what kills familys,we can heal and release the burdens of past generations, they didnt want to feel thier emotions and feelings.

  • Anu Chaudhry says:

    Sooo powerful 🌈💕💕💕🙏🙏

  • Mansah Asare says:

    Oprah i love you Mama BUT pls let them finish and stop interrupting. 🙏🏾

  • Pique NY says:

    I get upset internally watching my siblings with their families, the fact I can will never be Able to experience that pure heartfelt love. It’s sad but that’s life you can’t wilt have them all

  • Erin Laemmle says:

    Yes. 😢😭

  • freshencounter says:

    Wonderful! She got her book out!! I hope grace gives me that much time 😁
    And it sounds gorgeous. Thank you for sharing 🙏🏾 I’ll have to check it out! ❤️

  • MILKYWAYGAL 23 says:

    What an amazing book ❤️

  • Elizabeth K says:

    Stopped watching the show, because everything was about Oprah, and her validation of what her guests might be saying.

  • Vedina Krzman says:

    Love both these women ❤️

  • Ping Carlson says:

    What's the title of this book?

  • Peter Poet says:

    I voted for Trump. Also Michelle Obama is a man.

  • libbylum says:

    So very true, I'm one of those people who stored it all.

  • Chantal Rochon says:

    Oh! My! I thought I understood my cries! At 59 I am still in the field! Bless you Eva Eger, I will have to bye many books for my whole family . Thank you Oprah for this discovery. Love to both of you, a fan from Québec Canada.

  • Zsuzsanna Griga says:

    so beautiful. thanks. what beautiful ladies. thanks for sharing

  • Purple Flwrz says:

    I grow tired of Oprah the guru.

  • Lilly Tan says:

    I am starting my own channel. Pls help me to like, share, subscribe. My link cupid the prince arrow of true blue love. Thank you all my beautiful souls.

  • Emeraldcity Entertainment says:

    @35 seconds powerful truthful statement … ,actually this whole video is eye-opening.

    It takes so much energy to resist. The secrets force us to relive the pain but do not to get stuck in there…. that's where it cripples your life…wow

  • Kenyon Geringer says:

    Gondi

  • Hecate Entertainment says:

    I had this moment when I saw the pregnancy reveal for an in-law relative. Everyone was so happy when it was announce and I just felt this intense wave of grief and started balling. Then I realized that I was crying because news of my pregnancies were never celebrated.it still hurts thinking of it now. I wonder when it will stop hurting.

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