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Nov

Jimmy Kimmel, Cousin Sal, Guillermo, Yehya & Aunt Chippy go to Meditation Class


IS ON THE WAY. IF YOU WATCH REGULARLY, YOU KNOW AUNT CHIPPY IS A VERY, HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE HER?>>Guillermo: BOSSY. DEMANDING. >>Jimmy: BOSSY AND DEMANDING. ANGRY, SHE YELLS. >>Guillermo: AND CRAZY TOO.>>Jimmy: CRAZY TOO. SO WE DECIDED WE WANTED TO HELP HER LEARN TO RELAX. SO COUSIN SAL, GUILLERMO, AND OUR PAL YEHYA AND I TOOK HER TO A CLASS WHERE THEY TEACH MEDITATION. HERE’S HOW THAT WENT.>>EVERYTHING REQUIRES STAIRS. DOESN’T ANYBODY KNOW WHAT AN ELEVATOR LOOKS LIKE?>>Jimmy: AUNT CHIPPY’S ALREADY MAD.>>DOES ANYBODY HAVE AN ESCALATOR IN THEIR BUILDING?>>Jimmy: SHE DOESN’T LIKE STAIRS. SHE GETS VERY UPSET. >>EVERYTHING IN CALIFORNIA IS UPHILL. EVEN DOWNHILL IS UPHILL. >>Guillermo: IT’S GOOD FOR YOU.>>Jimmy: YOU SEE WHY WE’RE HERE?>>YES. >>Jimmy: THIS WOMAN IS STRESSED, RIGHT?>>WE’RE GOING TO COME IN, LEARN MEDITATION, CENTER IN THE BREATH, CALM OURSELVES.>>Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, LET’S TRY IT. COME ON LET’S HAVE OPEN MINDS HERE. >>WHEN I FIRST MET THE STUDENTS I WAS A LITTLE NERVOUS. BECAUSE THEY ALL CAME IN A GROUP. AND I WAS AWARE THAT THERE WOULD BE CAMARADERIE. AND THEY MIGHT HAVE A HARD TIME SITTING STILL.>>I WEIGH ALMOST 200 POUNDS, YOU WANT ME TO SIT LIKE THAT? I CAN’T EVEN GET DOWN.>>I CANNOT MOVE MY LEG LIKE YOU, IS OKAY?>>THAT’S FINE. IN MEDITATION WE CHOOSE A FOCAL POINT. IN CHOOSING THAT FOCAL POINT, WE CALM OUR SYSTEM DOWN. THINK OF MEDITATION AS THE OCEAN. RIGHT? DEEPER AND DEEPER WITHIN SUN’S SELF. >>YOU KNOW ANDY?>>ANDY?>>THE INDIA GUY, YOU REMEMBER THE GUY GANDHI?>>GANDHI, YEAH. >>YOU’VE BEEN WITH GANDHI?>>Jimmy: WHAT?>>GANDHI, THE INDIA GUY. HE’S VERY FAMOUS. >>Jimmy: I KNOW, I KNOW. >>THE GUY, WHAT’S HIS NAME, HE MAKE THE MOVIE “GANDHI”?>>Jimmy: BEN KINGSLEY. >>I GOT PICTURE WITH HIM, HE GOT WITH ME, VERY NICE GUY. HE DID THE MOVIE IN MOROCCO.>>Jimmy: WHAT MOVIE DOES THIS REMIND YOU OF?>>DEEP, DEEP, THE MOVIE “DEEP.” THE OCEAN –>>IN ONE MOVIE I’M GOING TO DROWN YOU IN THAT OCEAN. >>Jimmy: SEE THAT, SHE SNAPPED.>>I WANT A PEACEFUL FAMILY TO GO ALONG WITH THIS –>>ABSOLUTELY NOT. IT’S REALLY INSIDE. WHAT’S HAPPENING INSIDE. >>Jimmy: INSIDE IT’S MARLBORO CIGARETTE SMOKE. >>INSIDE IT’S MARLBORO CIGARETTES. >>Guillermo: POLLUTION. >>Jimmy: WE NEED TO GET AUNT CHUPPY UNPOLLUTED. THERE IS A QUICK WAY TO DO THAT?>>BREATHING. BREATHE ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE BELLY. >>ALL THE WAY DOWN TO HERE. >>YEAH.>>Jimmy: WHY ARE YOU FEELING EACH OTHER’S BELLIES?>>Guillermo: I WANT TO MAKE SURE HE’S DOING IT RIGHT. >>ME TOO.>>I DON’T KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE BUT THE SMELL IN THIS PLACE IS REALLY NICE.>>Sal: QUIET, PLEASE.>>WHAT DID HE SAY THAT IDIOT?>>Jimmy: HE SAID, QUIET, PLEASE. HAVE YOU EVER HEARD SO MUCH TALKING IN A MEDITATION?>>NEVER. DEFINITELY NEVER. I WAS TAKEN WITH HOW OBSERVANT CHIPPY WAS. I REALLY FELT THAT SHE WAS HYPER-OBSERVANT. SHE DIDN’T NEED TO VOICE ALL OF HER OBSERVATIONS, BUT THE FACT THAT SHE NOTICED THEM IS STEP ONE TO MEDITATION. SO WHEN WE’RE COMMUNICATING WE WANT TO USE EYE LANGUAGE. INSTEAD OF SAYING, YOU DID THIS, YOU DID THAT, WE WANT TO SAY, I FEEL THIS WAY WHEN.>>Jimmy: I THINK YOU AR LOUDMOUTH. LIKE THAT KIND OF THING. >>I THINK YOU’RE A [ BLEEP ].>>Jimmy: IS THAT RIGHT?>>IS IT WORKING?>>Sal: I THINK YOUR EYELASH IS GOING TO FLY OFF.>>SO LET’S CLOSE OUR EYES.>>Jimmy: OH, YEAH, RIGHT. WE’RE SUPPOSED TO –>>GO BACK.>>Jimmy: OKAY.>>YOU WANT TO BREATHE. IN AND OUT.>>Guillermo: THAT’S WHAT I WANT, IN AND OUT.>>IF I START DROOLING WILL YOU PLEASE WIPE MY MOUTH?>>YEAH. >>Jimmy: DO YOU MAKE MEDITATION TAPES? BECAUSE MY AUNT CHIPPY IS AVAILABLE FOR VOICE-OVER WORK IF YOU NEED SOMEONE WITH A SOOTHING, MELLIFLULOUS –>>MELODIOUS. >>WHY DON’T WE FOCUS ON SOMETHING THAT BRINGS YOU JOY AND HAPPINESS. >>SMACKING THEM IN THE HEAD BRINGS ME A LITTLE JOY. SMACK THE CRAP OUT OF THESE TWO KIDS. >>Jimmy: THAT’S A GOOD QUESTION. HAVE YOU EVER ENJOYED A SUNSET? BE HONEST. >>YES. YOUR UNCLE WENT TO HAWAII AND LEFT ME HOME. AND BROUGHT ME A VIDEO OF THE SUNSET. HE SPENT — FREAKING NUTS, YOU CRAZY BASTARD! ARE YOU [ BLEEP ] CRAZY? YOU WONDER WHY I WANT TO SMACK THE [ BLEEP ], [ BLEEP ] — >>Sal: I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THE SUNSET. >>YOU MADE ME DEAF IN ONE EAR!>>Jimmy: I FEEL YOU’RE BEING VERY NEGATIVE TOWARD MY COUSIN RIGHT NOW. >>Sal: THANK YOU. >>YOU LITTLE [ BLEEP ]. YOU DO THAT AGAIN, I SWEAR TO GOD I’LL KNOCK YOUR TEETH OUT OF YOUR MOUTH. >>Sal: I’M GOING TO KNOCK –>>I SWEAR TO GOD I’M GOING TO KNOCK YOUR TEETH OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND I’LL FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT.>>Jimmy: I THINK WE MADE A BREAKTHROUGH. THE TEQUILA’S TAKING OVER. >>LAUGHING MEDITATION, WHICH IS A THING. >>Jimmy: THAT’S RIGHT, I’VE HEARD ABOUT THAT. >>HE’S IN A LAUGHING MEDICATION.>>Guillermo: I KNEW THAT.>>A SENSE OF JOY. >>Jimmy: IT’S MAKING ME HAPPY.>>Guillermo: I’M VERY HAPPY MOST OF THE TIME.>>Jimmy: SEE THAT? YOU COULD BE LIKE THAT. IF YOU WEREN’T SO BITTER AND NEGATIVE. I MEAN, I’M SORRY. I THINK YOU COULD BE LIKE THAT IF I — YOU WEREN’T SO BITTER AND NEGATIVE.>>SO WE’VE ONLY MEDITATED PROBABLY 30 SECONDS TOTALLING. MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST BRING IT BACK TO THE BRETT FOR A MINUTE. BREATHING IN AND OUT OF THE NOSE. AND WITH — WE SHOULD PROBABLY PUT THE CELL PHONE — >>Sal: I HAVE A LOT OF MONEY ON THE SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS. >>WE’RE ACTUALLY NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE THEM IN HERE. >>I’M GOING TO TRY THIS. I’M GOING TO REALLY TRY THIS.>>Jimmy: YEAH. WE HAD ALMOST FOUR SECONDS OF SILENCE THERE, I THINK THAT WAS A RECORD, THAT WAS GOOD.>>DO YOU FEEL THAT STILLNESS? THAT QUIET?>>YOU SON OF A BITCH.>>Jimmy: AUNT CHIPPY — >>NO PHYSICAL VIOLENCE. NO PHYSICAL VIOLENCE. >>Jimmy: YOU CAN’T DO THAT, NO PHYSICAL VIOLENCE. >>DO YOU HAVE TO BANG THAT THING IN MY EAR!>>THAT WASN’T OKAY EITHER. >>Jimmy: SHE DOES MAKE A GOOD POINT. >>WHAT THE HELL’S THE MATTER WITH YOU?>>SO THERE WERE A LOT OF FIRSTS TODAY. I’VE NEVER HAD THAT MUCH TALKING. I’VE CERTAINLY NEVER HAD A STUDENT ACTUALLY USE A DISRUPT TOOL TO AWAKEN OR DEAFEN ANOTHER STUDENT. SO THAT WAS DEFINITELY A FIRST. AS WAS THE VIOLENCE FOR SURE. THE HITTING.>>AS YOU CAN SEE — >>Sal: WE’RE DONE. LET’S BE DONE. >>WE’RE DONE!

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