17
Aug

Dark Night of the Soul Part 2 (Trauma & Awakening)– Spanish Subtitles


hi everybody welcome to episode 2 of the
doctrine of the Soul series today we’re gonna talk about what changes were
necessary and why you know for a spiritual awakening to happen
what you have to do is you have to come into full you have to come into a whole
truth pure truth about yourself which means letting go of everything that’s
untrue and so this will be this will be fairly
dramatic in a situation where you know you’re surrounded by narcissistic people
disorder people who have been and if you’ve been a scapegoat of a
narcissistic family and then as I was and then you go into and you know you
develop a new develop narcissistic friends then you go and you marry
someone who has is diagnosed antisocial personality eventually if they’re by the
time you get to that point there are so many lies that you are that you’ve been
told and so many lies you’re telling yourself to keep your world intact that
when it all unravels it is going to be dramatic and in my case it was very very
dramatic feared I told myself because I knew they were neglectful I’m either
were always neglectful and I knew it and they weren’t especially nurturing but I
came in with my husband this is where these were that kind of gooey kind of
people as I told myself days weren’t can I give he kind of people and I actually
I told myself it was fine I tell them you know so we’re just you know it’s not
that kind of pure sense that kind of people but as a
we’re not huggers and Maura I you know like we don’t say lots of I love yous
and that kind of thing that’s just how we are and that that could be normal and
fine but it wasn’t normal and fine and the
dart had a soul was going to show me that should someone come out against me
and give them any you know give them a cause to have to take my side all that
they didn’t have that kind of love for me but have that never happened they wouldn’t have attacked me you know
they would they would not have contagious they would always have been
detached it would have always been a superficial relationship and I would
have always been longing and not understood what was wrong I learned I
was it would have forever always been trying and trying to trying to get them
to love me to get them to get to have an intimacy with them to get them to
reciprocate my love to get them to see me and know me and treat me as a
daughter and a sister and all that I would forever and always been trying to
do that and I never would have achieved it but had it not been for the person
that I married that had had a plan and with any needed my family to make it all
work had nothing for that they wouldn’t have it they would never have attacked
me but they because they were there because
they were narcissists they were he knew how to manipulate them and Wednesdays
but and it hadn’t had not happened I would never have known the truth about
them I would never have known about how they didn’t how they lacked empathy and
how they didn’t love me and how they were just I would never have understood
it I would never have known it good I didn’t know it up to that point I had a
sort of a subconscious well these experiences it are meant to bring you to
a state of wholeness because you were not whole in your life before when you
were you know living around abusers and you were telling you you were not honest
and you’re not authentic you’re not whole and so
coming through coming through this you will not be fragmented anymore you will
be whole and that means that you will be able to be a true teacher you will know
yourself you will you will have you will have real wisdom and real empathy and
real compassion and real joy and a real ability to see and be seen
love and be loved that you didn’t have before and so it really truly is meant
for your benefit and it really truly is a huge blessing that not everybody gets
to have and so there are all these wonderful benefits that come of it
but it isn’t easy it is not easy hold myself that they cared even though they
had a hard time showing it these are the stories I told myself that they cared
about me and they loved me that they loved me and they were that we were
there were a loyal family it’s just that they had a hard time
showing it they weren’t overly affectionate they were just reserved but
that if push came to shove when push came to shove they did love me and they
would be there for me if I ever really needed them this was the story that I
told myself and my plan was to never really need them so
that I would never have to know if that wasn’t the case I would never find out
so I worked really hard at trying to not ever need them so that I could so I
didn’t ever have to challenge this story I told myself the irony of course was
that it was not needing them that pushed me into marrying this person so quickly
before I really knew him and when I already saw these red flags it pushed me
into feeling like I needed to get married and leave the house it’s a soul
it’s a complete ego death it’s a complete ego death which means
that it is the doing away of everything that you believed everything that you
thought was true everything that you told yourself about the world and about
yourself and and for this you know let’s start with this depression this
depression and the depression I believe came from cognitive dissonance which is
what I will I believe that’s the root of all depression
I believe depression is really trying to tell you something it’s trying to tell
you there’s something not right in your life and the truth is always in your
feelings if you go your feelings that’s always where the truth is going to be
and so the feeling that deep deep depression was telling me something and
had I been able to respond to it perhaps it
wouldn’t have to come to such a major catastrophe as it did you know that
maybe that would have been the case but in Mike I couldn’t I just couldn’t I
mean I had such a thick wall of denial and a belief system that I had built my
entire life on I wouldn’t have known even worth the words he began to
construct a difference at different truths I really believed I really
believed this story I believe that so what not knowing a soul meant for me was
literally dying in front of my husband and seeing him
be able to go to sleep and not care about it and then flatlining in front of
my family for my parents in front of my husband and having them not show cheer
about it and having miraculous survival and having my parents and my husband act
like is no big deal and and my husband making it pretty clear that he was angry
at me for surviving and being disabled I had a community of childhood friends I
had I had parents who were still married I
had a brother who lived across the street his wife and his kids we were you
know live they lived right close to us we live in a small town everybody within
walking distance growing up I had two sets of grandparents and a set of
great-grandparents that were all within walking distance I had never experienced
a loss I had friends in my life that I had known since preschool we stayed a
touch no one had ever I hadn’t had that in x-rays any deaths I had an experience
any I’d never even had fights and never had arguments or fights with anybody
never had never lost a friends never faced any any losses or any conflicts
any you know big conflicts or any anything with anybody of course I don’t
know what it’s like to live in a healthy family either so I have no idea where
I’m really missing but I have no concept of ever having lost anything after this
heartache happened I
realize I’m alone as my husband’s abuse and had gradually starts picking up I
had started isolating without realizing it and then after this heart attack
happened I was really isolated and I I later realized that he was undermining
my relationships husband has poisoned relationships and he’s told stories
about me and people are believing these lies about me and I don’t I’m the last one to know you
know by the time I figure out what’s going on you know it’s he’s the damage
is done and I never I gave like some small amount of effort to try and tell
the truth to some select people and am shocked and amazed when people that I’ve
known all my life don’t believe me and the reason is because detective up the
people I was a protective of them and it was so believable what was happening and
that you know my husband had the backing of my parents and no one no one would
understand that no would understand it and I I didn’t even understand it I
understand it now but I couldn’t even understand it at the time and I believed
I like you know I was telling lies from you know so long I blamed myself I blame
myself for what was going on long enough that the damage was just so done you
know that it was impossible for me ever to
come out of it in a one-person that ate that I knew before this happened that
will still be my life and that’s my youngest son
that’s the only note no one made no one existed in my life then still in my life
now except for him the only the only way someone you know the people could
survive something like this is if they shared your you know if yo you were a
priority in their life the same as they were to you and if they valued things
like like your relationship like loyalty and you know honest you know the things
it’s the same with you did and it turns out in my case they didn’t you know they
just didn’t and so that was hard that was really really hard but in truth
when you really look at it you know I didn’t lose anything that I had you know
if I had if I had really close intimate friendships and relationships this
wouldn’t have been possible so the people that were able to wash out of my
life without even asking me any questions
we’re you know they they didn’t know me the way that I thought they did and they
they didn’t love me the same way that I love that what happened what happened
the whole experience of mine of my dirt and the soul that was a personal
experience that was for me but what they did really had nothing to do with me you
know the things that that they did weren’t had nothing to do
with that you know I didn’t deserve them you know nothing they said about me was
true you know I didn’t cause any of that to happen they were that was going to
happen regardless I was not at fault or to blame for any of that
but my experience and my reason for this happening was because I needed it for my
own spiritual growth and so I can almost you know I can be grateful for the fact
that they facilitated the growth that I
needed so that I can move on to have a truly authentic life and so that I could
experience real love and real connection with people who are matches to me you
know energetic matches to me in a place that isn’t just where I go because
that’s where everybody everybody is and family that isn’t family just because
they share my blood that I can go to a place that speaks to me and choose
family family of like-minded people that love and care about me and how this
should ensure my values and that’s what this experience has opened me up to do
and so that’s what the butterfly stands for that transformation the importance
of gratitude during your dark night gratitude journal because it’s
impossible to feel the worry and fear and gratitude at the same time so
gratitude is a really great antidote to fear and worry and so practicing
gratitude and it might it might be really I wrote I know there were things
that were in my gratitude journal back then there were you know really small
things like thank you for helping me get a decent amount of sleep last night I
said you know the places that I were really bleak and so you know some of the
things I was saying thank you for you know hard CTM now hard to even you know
imagine and also one thing that’s really important is thanking the universe for
the experience for the obstacles for what you’re going through think that
think universe for your strength to get through it for it’s the universe’s
wisdom and bringing this to you and knowing that giving you the skills and
the strength to get through it knowing that it in
you know things like that gratitude is huge and being grateful even for the
things that make your life so difficult or making it make this and make this
process happen is it really important and when you do that I in my experience
the universe really gets behind you and that’s it when you can do that it it
means that no it means a lot of growth happens fast universe really gets behind
that that was my experience anyway those things changed a lot when I think when I
can bring myself this thing that I was grateful for them and that I could see
what was what was good about it happening
so there you go and the think that your experience with abuse was a Vedic soul
experience or you know just anything you know about that please let me know about
it I’d love to hear about it in the comment section and then if you would
like to talk to me in private please get a hold of me on the instinct go app you
can just contact me through that anytime hit the chat tab and and that’s the best
way you can contact me anytime you up we can talk about anything you want if you
want ask the private question any of you if you enjoyed this video found it
useful to you please give me a like and that’s it please subscribe to my channel
too if you haven’t already done that and I will talk with you guys really soon
alright

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7 Comments

  • Evening TV says:

    Did you have a big red pill or Aha moment? Love to talk about it. Please like, share, comment and subscribe

  • Michelle Bell says:

    I’ve went through this. I still live with my family who are narcissists. I have 5 children and only 2 of them love me. I still haven’t recovered from the pain, I’m very codependent on my family, and drugs. I was clean and sober 20 years and then this happened. I am a spiritual teacher no matter what I don’t get away from my calling. People don’t like me even the ones who come to me for help. It’s a very lonely life

  • Michelle Bell says:

    Thank you for sharing! I needed this

  • Penny Yeomans says:

    Thank-you. That was very accurate. I remember realizing one day I had no one who had not turned on me. That was the same moment I realized it was God and I. When I stopped lying to myself about my life was really when I started to grow. Take care, you have a beautiful soul.

  • Lori Murguia says:

    The Universe was created by God. Thank God, not the Universe. Sorry! Great video! Thank you Hon!

  • Kitty Kat says:

    I am grateful for the money my father sent to keep me in therapy. I have so many conflicts about him, but the chance to continue in therapy and not have to worry about the cost is a gift. Maybe a part of him wants me to thrive. I am getting in touch also at times that although I am often in a lot of emotional pain that I do not quite yet understand I am enough in touch with myself every once in a while to be grateful to be alive. Thank you, Evening Ransom for this video and for sharing your thoughts and feelings.

  • GOD’s Child says:

    It was because of your videos that I learned about narcissistic personalities. Now I understand my mother, and what she’s capable of. This was GOD sent. Thank you Yeshua.

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