is safe to come out hi my name is
Jessica and I’m a spiritual transformation coach I’m here to help
you connect to your intuition so you can fulfill your soul’s purpose I want to
take this moment to invite you all to subscribe to my channel and hit the
notification bell I post new videos every single week and you’ll get
notified when I post a new video I experienced a really intense spiritual
awakening and I’m here to share that story with you it’s about to get weird
over here I’m gonna be honest my spiritual awakening was intense and if
this video doesn’t resonate with you that is okay but if it does resonate
with you I want you to know that you’re not alone I’ve felt very much alone
for the past six and a half years not being able to relate to many people when
it comes to all things spiritual so let’s begin when I was 16 I tried to take my own
life I thought that I had to live up to this idea of perfection I thought I had
to be this perfect person for everybody to love me and when I couldn’t carry
that idea perfection I try to take my own life and that’s when I started to
rebel and go down a really really dark path and that led to addictions to drug
in drugs and alcohol to really co-dependent relationships to abusive
relationships until I finally got arrested and I was ordered to a state
rehab which was pretty much prison boot camp at least that’s how I saw it
it was a behavior modification unit and I was to be there for nine months locked
up when I got there I knew that the only way I was ever going to make it out of
there was to pray and to start believing in God and to really rely on the
universe to guide me into the answers that I’ve been seeking my whole life so
up until this point I was living in complete darkness for about 13 years of
my life I had this empty hole inside of myself and nothing external could fill
it up to make me happy and I was told that I was depressed
I needed medication that you know I had a mental diagnosis people just try to
tell me all of these things that were wrong with me which meant that an
external fix a pill could help and nothing worked in the end and I remember
writing that was my go-to place because nobody understood my depression I would
just nobody could understand the things that I was going through why I just
didn’t really feel like I belonged on earth I never really felt like I could
relate to a lot of people I always felt that I had this depth in my soul that
nobody could even touch on and so I lived very isolated and I wrote about my
own little theories on life and I knew that there was something more to life
than having a nine-to-five job showing up every day and barely making enough
money to pay the bills and then being a slave to your job because you need to
make money to pay the bills and you know being in a marriage that was
unsatisfying for you and so you go out and cheat on your husband or your wife
because deep down you’re really not fulfilled I knew that there was more to
just being busy in life and so caught up in what is going on in news media and
culture pop culture and did you see that episode on TV I just for the longest
time I had this longing inside to to find something
more in life than what everybody else was doing I have never been one to
follow the crowd I couldn’t ever relate to people who did that
I always craved really deep conversations with people and I wanted
to talk about the stars and other planets that are out there and aliens
and my own theories and philosophies on life and never really found many people
that wanted to talk about that kind of stuff with me so I lived very much alone
and when I finally got to face my demons and got sober and clean for the first
time in years I started really going through this soul-searching process and
realize that the answers that I’ve been seeking my entire life were being found
and I will tell you the most profound questions were number one Who am I
number two why am I here I remember my English high school
teacher had us write down the question of why I’m here why am I here and I
think most of the class wrote down well because they had to go to school and
they had to graduate to go to college or something like that but that’s not what
he asked me he asked me like why am I here on earth and I dug deep and I have
no idea what I actually said but that’s always been my interpretation of
people’s questions it’s looking at the bigger bigger picture and like the deep
deep meaning and mysteries of life’s biggest questions so I decided to start
praying and the one thing that they give you in prison rehab is a Bible and you
get to read that so I started reading that and I started having all of these
epiphanies and realizations and realizing that I just needed to forgive
everybody in my life that I had been living my life trying to destroy myself
in order to get back at people who had hurt me and that wasn’t really true to
who I was once you took the external things away from me that I could try to
make me feel whole like once all of those things went away and I was only
there to face myself and God all the ridiculousness just started
feeding and just crumbling and my truth started to emerge from the depths of my
soul and so connecting to that truth really started to transform me and I started to figure out that life was like
a puzzle and all of these years in my life I’ve been being chipped away like
my soul I felt like I was born into this world as this whole soul and little by
little with the circumstances of the world and the people that had hurt me
and any time I failed somebody any time I failed to achieve perfection it was
like a little piece of me died it was taken from me until there was only one
little piece left of my soul and it was that one little tiny piece left of my
soul that I decided to hold on to and tried to gather up the rest of the
pieces that I had lost and through this transformational process I started going
back in time let me try to explain this in a way that makes sense I was obviously an adult and the more I
connected to my intuition to the universe to God to the higher power to
the Spirit of the heavens whatever you want to call it the all loving power
that exists outside of myself whenever I started to really put my faith in all of
that I started going backwards in time so I was at my adult self and then I
started to face my demons at that point in time and then once I kind of got rid
of those demons then I went back to you know my my college years and then once I
kind of broke free from all of those demons then I went back into my high
school years and then once I faced all of that and forgave and gave love to my
high school years I went back to middle school and then I went back to
elementary school until I really couldn’t go back any further and I was
shedding the identities of what no longer was serving me anymore the
stories that I told myself the beliefs that I held the emotions that I kept the
anger the resentment the hate the fear the sorrow the self-pity all of that
crumbled because it wasn’t who I really was and so I’d shut all of these
identities of my soul until I got down to my truth and I was like this little
child just crying out for for help crying out for love and for someone to
tell her it was gonna be okay and I had forgiven everybody in my life I had
written several letters out to people and you know told them I forgave them
and then I had this realization that I needed to make things right with people
that I had hurt and and I knew that I was going to do that I knew that it was
essential for this new spiritual journey that I was on and when I came to that
little tiny piece of soul that was left of mine I realized that there was one
more thing that needed to happen and that was that I needed to forgive myself
because ultimately what I’ve learned on my own journey through life is that I have made every single choice to either
do the right thing or to do the wrong thing and a lot of times for many years
for 13 years I chose to do the wrong thing because I didn’t want to believe
that there was a loving power that wanted something good for me it was
almost like I kept myself a prisoner I was the only one that held myself back I
was a prisoner to the darkness I was a slave to the darkness and I didn’t feel
like I’ve deserved anything better than that
and really what I came to realize was that I only needed to be good enough for
one person and that was for myself and that I didn’t need to compare myself to
others that as long as I was doing my best in doing the next right thing then
then I was good enough and it didn’t matter what anybody else thought
it was only me putting these expectations on myself that I had to do
this or else this person wouldn’t love me this person wouldn’t accept me and it
was all fading the beliefs gone and I got to the point where I realized that
who I was was wasn’t nothing was consciousness and the identities that I
held on to died and I experienced an ego death and it was weird
it was weird it felt really really empty and I felt like I’ve been feeling empty
for most of my life and now I get here and I’m praying to God and I’m believing
in God and I’m you know allowing the universe to guide the way and I’m
nothing I’m empty still and alone I’m still alone and that was part of the
process it was just part of the process of
becoming new in spiritual rebirth and that is exactly what happened I
experienced this rebirth process where I was reborn in the spirit and I knew that
I was this spiritual being having a human experience and that I was being
led and that’s when all of the synchronicity started happening and I
started manifesting things and things that I would be thinking about somebody
would say it really felt like for the first time I wasn’t alone and I was
really starting to become really peaceful and happy and I was this was
probably mom fish time up and a half being locked up in this behavior
modification units and one night I was standing in my little bunk area and I
just felt this rush of light come over me
and I was just like what is happening I started shaking because it was just so
powerful and I felt any darkness that was left in me just be overcome with
light and I felt so intensely happy and at peace and full of unconditional love
that I just didn’t know what to do with myself so I as I said I was reading a
lot of the Bible at the time and so I wrote to my mom and I’m like I’ve been
saved by Jesus Christ as a mate thing and I was just happy I was on
cloud nine and for the next couple of weeks I saw through the eyes of God and
I could see people to their core to their souls and I started having this
epiphany that we are all kind of like how do I explain it we are all there
there just I don’t know maybe 20 different soul groups right and they’re
all just put into different people like different avatars then we can like
choose our avatars before we come in like a video game where you say okay I’m
gonna be the the warrior in this life where I’m gonna be the magician or I’m
gonna be the the woman I’m gonna be you know this dude with the super amazing
knife throwing skills whatever it’s like this video game that I started seeing
and and oh my god she chose that avatar and she’s also the same soul as someone
that I knew growing up growing up and then this person over here oh that’s my
aunt right there and it was so crazy because I realized that I was surrounded
by people that I knew like it was all so familiar and it kind of reminded me of
The Wizard of Oz when Dorothy goes off into the Land of Oz and you know the
Scarecrow and the Cowardly Lion and the Tin Man they’re all her family right
like they they were there with her through that experience and like
anywhere I don’t know I’m not alone I’m surrounded by my soul family right it’s
it was so crazy how I saw people and I could read people and see where they
were at in life and could determine like if they were even on a soul journey or
like what soul journey are they honor in the on the dark side are they on the
right side so I’d steer people in the eyes I’d look at them because I’d want
to read them and I want to see if they could stare me back in the eyes and I
really started to freak people out and it was really sad because I remember one
girl started telling everybody that I was the Antichrist because I was just so
full of love and I wanted everybody to know that they were loved by God did I
preach God to people yeah maybe a little bit too much and so that kind of freaked
people out because the circumstances were I was locked up in a dorm full of
women who didn’t really want to be sober or down with God so it was an
interesting time and I felt really persecuted I felt like for the first
time in my life I was actually being 100% true to who I was and I realized
exactly why I ran away from it for so long is because people think I’m a
freaking weirdo now and I’d even call my mom and my family and I tell him like
what was going on and they would just kind of look at me like what is wrong
with my child and I thought that spiritual awakening was this place that
like everybody gets to in life and that’s kind of the difference between
when you’re you know like adolescent versus you’re an adult now I believe
that that was the point where you crossed over
you know because you had the spiritual awakening and then you became like an
adult and then you live the rest of your life you know as this awakened being and
come to find out no one was awake except for me and I remember thinking that holy
crap so my entire life I’d been running away from my truth I finally find it and
now people can’t relate to me and the more I took
refuge in God and just prayed with God and isolated and wrote about my
realizations and and revelations God was giving me like revelation after
revelation after revelation and I was like I don’t know what to do with all of
this they already think I’m crazy and so I just started keeping a lot of it to
myself because they really felt like there are some things spiritually that
you can’t tell a person who’s not awake yet like they’re not ready to hear that
but at the same time they’re not gonna hear it if their ears aren’t open and
ready to receive that message like they’re not going to and so I really
started to kind of dial back like what I was saying so that I could come off in a
way that made me seem relatable but at the same time I could not relate to the
humans is what I called them at the time the humans I couldn’t relate to them I
didn’t understand human emotion I didn’t understand why people were fighting I
didn’t understand why people were so scared that was the biggest thing I
couldn’t understand for the life of me why people were so afraid of everything
and so I really just started feeling alone and and it was sad but I didn’t
feel rejected it was interesting because I had experienced this ego death and so
there wasn’t a lot of like ego attachment to these things but what I
felt was I felt sad for God because I knew that the people who rejected me
were rejecting God ultimately and that was a lot of people but then on the
other hand there were a lot of people who just talked to me and they’d be
really curious about you know me talking about God and so I would talk to them
and they were really receptive to it and you know I got out of you know my
prison rehab experience and really didn’t know how I was gonna live my life
as the spiritually transformed being because when I was locked up I you know
so badly wanted to figure out what I wasn’t what had happened to me and so
when I got out it was all about researching and figuring out what in the
heck happened and like what was I like I Know Who I am now I’m the spiritual
being but like what am I am i some type of prophet and my some messenger and am
i Jesus I did believe that I was Jesus at one point because I read the Bible
and the Bible said that I’m the light of the world and so I believe I’m Jesus
we walked hand-in-hand for a good while and apparently what I had gone through
for my understanding is a Christian mystic awakening waking up through
Christianity started just doing lots of research and trying to connect to other
people trying to go to you know meditation meetups and going to Crystal
shops and you know really wanting to just continue to develop my spiritual
abilities are really wanting to find my new tribe and hesitated to open up about
spirituality about my beliefs in God and then I finally would and I’d get the can
you not talk about this it’s starting to scare me and I thought wow I’m all alone
in this life it was so sad to me because I wanted to just love the world and
didn’t know if the world was ready for me but it was through social media that
I was able to find spiritual teachers online and you know a lot of youtubers
out there that had gone through similar experiences
and I knew that what I’d gone through was not crazy that it wasn’t awakening
and that I was a transform spiritual being and how do I stay true to that in
life and I didn’t that’s the thing that’s why I’m making this video I did
not stay 100% sure to my spiritual path I like the way that it made me feel to
be so rejected by people the ego started coming back and I started to get
resentful towards the people who had rejected me and maybe a little bit
resentful towards God like why would you make me suffer all of these years living
in darkness and then I find my truth and then it’s just more rejection and you
know it’s taken several years to get here six and a half years since I had my
awakening and I’ve been able to find several people now that I can relate to
that they don’t think I’m crazy it’s it’s really beautiful I know they’ll
never reject me and they’re on their own spiritual path and they’re doing good
with the world spreading love and light and I knew that I needed to do the same
and not hide from being Who I am because ultimately at the end of the day if you
aren’t with me you’re against me and that’s okay if the universe brings
people into my life and some of them fall away well that’s because they’re
not in alignment with my vibration so that’s the universe doing me a favor and
saying this person doesn’t need to be in your life right now they need to go out
and have their own journey and if they come back then awesome they come back
but if they don’t that’s okay they’re not supposed to be in my life forever
because every person every situation every circumstance that we experience is
for our highest good I am on a spiritual path towards my highest good and I can’t
live in fear of what people will think of me anymore especially because I know
that there are so many of you out there that want to come out of the spiritual
closet – and it’s time it is time because we are in such a crucial time in
our lives like the world is Awakening and you’re seeing it more and more and
more more people are getting into yoga they’re getting into meditation they’re
becoming vegan I’m a vegan it is so cool that there’s so many people just living
from a place of unconditional love and they’re serving the world and they’re
giving back and there are so many coaches out there now that are ready to
help and and spiritual teachers and this is the new age right now and it is time
for all of us who have had these powerful awakenings or who are on the
journey to having these powerful awakenings it is time to get honest with
other people and you know what if they can’t listen to your message that’s okay
we can still plant seeds and when the time is right they’ll come back and
they’ll ask questions it’s time to be role models to the people who maybe
don’t know why they feel so alone why they feel like they’re just going
through the motions so they feel that there’s more to life than this but they
don’t know what it is but they try to use external things to fill themselves
up to be happy but at the end of the day they’re not happy it gives time to show
them that it’s because we’re not being truthful and we’re not connecting to our
intuitions we’re not trusting the path that God has set before us to go on I
believe that we all have a specific purpose in this life and my purpose is
to serve you where are you at on your spiritual journey how can I
Stu and growing further have you found your purpose have you found your calling
are you not quite awake yet are you starting to have some curiosities about
spiritual things where are you at I really want to know let me know in the
comments below thank you so much if you’ve made it to the end of this video
thank you so much I could talk about this forever this is the beginning of
the new direction for my youtube channel I thank you so much for being here again
if this resonates with you subscribe to my channel send me a message find me on
my socials let me know how I can assist you further until then thank you so much
light and love you

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  • Jessica Kosine says:

    Hey Everyone!! I can’t hide who I am as a spiritual being anymore!! Where are you at on your spiritual journey!? Light and love!! 🌟

  • Calm Clouds Meditation says:

    What a wonderful journey! Thanks for sharing!

  • Kristin McTiernan The Nonsense-Free Editor says:

    Very inspiring! Real self examination is so important for your spiritual journey

  • Ascended Starseed says:

    This is such a beautiful story that you’ve shared. I admire your bravery in being honest and sharing this video!! I’m a big fan of yours!! You’ve helped me on my own spiritual journey!! 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

  • Sophilia Lark-Woodbury says:

    Thank you for sharing your story. You are right, not every person is aligned with our vibrations and journey. Fear is the greatest hindrance to coming out of the spiritual closet. I had a similar experience.

  • The Polish Queen says:

    very inspiring, thanks for sharing your story! 😊

  • Elizabeth Sampson says:

    I love that intro! I know that feeling ❤️ so glad you came out of that closet and now you are helping others.

  • Jeremy Drummer says:

    I feel your pain! Thank you for opening up. It makes those of us with similar stories feel we’re not alone.

  • Daisy Kosine says:

    I wish this message was shared with the world because it would be so instrumental in helping so many that are in need of a spiritual awakening. You are right……anything is possible with our God and we are either with you or we are against you. Bless you on your beautiful journey wherever it may lead you.

  • Elizabeth Ritchie says:

    Very raw, moving video. By sharing your journey you will help many others. From one empath to another, it all makes sense doesn't it when you trust your own soul? 🙂 It took me awhile to figure it out too. Glad you came out of the spiritual closet!

  • DG Miller says:

    Beautifully articulated Jessica! I love your transparency and open heart. Listening to your story about transformation from darkness to an awakening….makes my light board light up! I get you!

  • James Malins says:

    Your intro is brilliant! haha 😀 Great vid!

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